Every once in a while I remember who I am. I am a person that gets lost in roles and responsibilities, and every so often I have to remember that there is a person underneath the layers. It starts with a moment where I feel content, and when I analyze why I feel content I realize I may be doing something I enjoy. You see, I enjoy things that are just mine. I have a personality that is just me. I think this personality is a little lost lately. I'm not sure why.

I have been very busy at work (and I know I have been complaining all summer that I was slow, but I am soo busy now) and when I am there I focus 100% on my clients. I am a player in their lives and they assign me way too much responsibility. Then I pick up Micaela and I want to only be her mama. I want to read with her, go for walks, stop at Jamba and share a smoothie, or simply lay in bed and watch movies together. I want her to feel that I am nothing but her mother. After she goes to sleep I have one hour to do things for me, but I am usually tired and end up dozing off until Caleb comes home. Then I become a wife. I know I have it easy, as Caleb does as much housework as I do and wisely never expects me to cook for him, but I still talk about spouse things with him until I am too tired or he has a raid on his game (don't ask.) Then I wake up and start over again.

Every once in a while something happens, like I meet a friend for dinner, and she asks my opinion about her new shoes, or a friend stops by to quickly drop something off and tells me how much she enjoys our friendship because I do not pass judgement on her, or I have book club and spend three hours discussing everything from shaving to post-partum depression, or a friend emails me and asks for recommendations for good books and I remember. I remember that I am still a person who loves research, reads good literature, loves to jog in the night, and often cries about the injustices of life. I like this blog because it is just me. I include my family in it and I enjoy sharing pictures, but this is "my thing" and I need that. I think I will take my own advice and take a personal day next week.

Labels: Just Me