This blog contains harsh judgements. Read at your own risk!

I promised myself I would never be a judgemental mother, which is easier said than done. I constantly work with parents (specifically mothers) who have developed really bad parenting habits, and I feel like I am a walking parenting book sometimes. I mean I teach parenting classes for crying out loud! Not like my child never misbehaves, everyone who has met Micaela knows she is a typical 2-year-old who tantrums and wants "her way." Anyways I am trying not to be judgemental, but I just do not get this. What is this mystery? It's spanking.

I read an array of "mommy blogs" and I have come across one where the mommy talks about how spanking cures all of her 2-year-olds misbehaviors. I clicked on the comments, expecting to see some extremely negative responses, and not one single reader commented negatively. Most of them were offering congrats and discussed how spanking works for them.

I am disgusted on so many levels.
Point #1: Children hit each other. Children hit each other often. Children hit each other because they are not adults, they feel very, very frustrated when they are hurt/angry/sad and they don't know what else to do. So they hit each other and even hit parents too. Where an adult may yell or cry, a child will hit. It is a means to expressing an emotion. As an adult I can express my frustration without hitting. If Micaela makes me angry, which she does, I feel I can tell her I'm angry and even discipline her without hitting. To further illustrate my point...would you hit your spouse? If your spouse made you mad would you hit them to let them know they "did something wrong?"
Point #2: When a child is tantruming, which they all do, why would you spank them? They are crying and screaming, and by hitting them you think they will stop? In my experience when children are hit they cry and scream louder and it takes longer to calm down. So spank away, but your child wont stop crying. I think its so ironic that a parent who is embarrassed that their child is tantruming in public will spank their child in public. More people will stop and stare at an angry parent spanking their child than they would a child throwing a fit.
Point #3: If a child is hitting another child, how will hitting them teach them that hitting is not ok. This will teach them that they only shouldn't hit when you are watching.
Point #4: For chronic spankers, what happens when your child is too old to spank? Eventually kids grow up and become too big to spank. How do you then discipline them? When they're used to being spanked being grounded will seem like nothing.
Point #5: My favorite "I only spank my child when they are doing something unsafe, like walking towards the street." So the child isn't even doing anything wrong (hitting, fighting, yelling) and you spank them? So instead of teaching your child about safety and keeping themselves safe, you hit them when they are in dangerous situations. And the theory that "the child is to young to understand reason" does not apply. If you think they are old enough to understand why they are being spanked then they are old enough to understand "no."
Point #6: Parenting research has shown over and over again that spanking is not an effective form of discipline. At best it produces short term results, but has never been shown to teach morals or values. Recent research, has found that children who are spanked, whether from "good" parents or "bad" parents produce children who have aggressive behavior and play, lower academic skills, lower interpersonal skills, increased defiance, and more behavioral and emotional problems (perhaps I should be grateful, after all this keeps me in business.) Alarmingly 70-90% of Americans use spanking. I can't help but think, are we as parents that desperate for conformity that our first choice of discipline is hitting a child?

Labels: Just Me, Rant